Depression and clumsiness

More about my depression and some of the effects it can have on me. 
First up is clumsiness, I’m normally a pretty coordinated person. I have good reflexes – I’ve been known to catch a falling glass or scooping it up with my foot if I miss it with my hand. I can get through a busy room without knocking anyone and I tend to be very aware of my surroundings. I’m used to having good reflexes and normally am quietly proud of them. Some of the computer gaming I do is tied into these reflexes – particularly when gaming against others online, and I like to think it’s a skill I have improved and continue to improve.
However when I’m on a down swing it all goes out of the window (I feel like I’ve used that phrase with my depression before). I get clumsy, very clumsy. I can walk down the stairs of the house we’ve been in for nearly four years and smack my hip on the hand rail at the top, I’ll then misjudge the bottom step and slip on it. In fact it feels like I’m unable to walk through a door without scraping some part of my body on the edge or handle.
It’ll be the same at work, I’ll crack my knee on the desk multiple times a day. I’ll stumble getting out of my chair, and just about any desk I walk past seems to grow enough for me to knock it with my hip.
Things also break around me, or rather I break things with my clumsiness. Any number of favoured mugs and glasses have fallen victim to this. I’ll drop them when taking them to wash up, I’ll catch them with an elbow and knock them off the table. And any attempt to catch them just bounces them around a little until they fall and break – it’s very frustrating.
Finally I seem to lose the edges of my fine motor control. I’ve in the past slipped whilst slicing cheese and cut open my finger – quite badly. I’ve broken a bottle then cut open my hand trying to tidy it away and so on.
What’s particularly annoying about these incidents is my depression makes it very hard to treat them like the minor things that they are. So I broke a mug, we have plenty, it’s not the end of the world, but in my head it seems like maybe it is. I get an emotional reaction and feelings of sadness, unworthiness, stupidly and irritation towards myself way beyond what’s needed for the situation. But that’s part of what my depression does to me, it unlocks all the natural controls on negative feelings, and wipes out my sense of proportion.
Thanks for reading all, stay safe.


Author: wraithben

I'm Ben, early 40's and work as a Real Time Analyst in a call centre in the South West of England. In my spare time amongst other things I like to game - computer games, board games and most of all RPG's and Theatre Style LARPS. I also suffer from Chronic Depression.

One thought on “Depression and clumsiness”

  1. Really enjoying your blog 🙂 I’m an old school friend of Helen’s. This entry was my favourite so far. Love your friendly, chatty writing style feels like a conversation with a friend. Please keep writing!


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